(there's that ball-bearing in his throat again, the one he can't swallow around. it sits there and aches, reminding him of his humanity. not just in body, because this body doesn't matter, but in a mind gratified by markus' show of loyalty and reliability. connor doesn't like to lean on others if he can help it, but right now it feels like they're sharing what's on their shoulders.

that has to be enough for now. everything else is too overwhelming.

connor nods again, unable to speak around the blockage. it may stand as testament to the coping methods he still has in development, but it ultimately keeps him from sliding down a very slippery slope into the pits of an inconsolable mood. it's moments before he's willing to try to strike up a better, easier conversation, first taking his time to marvel at their connection and the way he can draw understanding from it when he'd have to strain himself otherwise.

markus has fair concerns, none of which are impossible for them to take in stride. it's only been months when humans have their entire lives to figure out who they are. it's the comparing, measuring himself against the individuality of the deviants he's had the privilege to meet. tough but doable. eventually.)

I'd like to work on everything that we can together...

(he'd like that very much, removing his fingers from markus' so that he can finally wipe at damp eyes with the heel of his palm.)

Before that, I need to talk to you about the things that I said and... the information that I've been keeping from you. I was concerned that it might change things or cause irreparable harm to our timeline, but that's not what I believe now. I was lying at the bar, but I'm familiar with how impactful certain fabrications can be.

It may be impossible to erase the doubt I've unintentionally sewn — still, I'd... like to try with your permission.