[...boy, he thought he was ready to type it out, but markus deserves knowing as much. markus was noctis's friend, too.]
ignis and i looked everywhere he could be at not to mention we promised we wouldn't go dark on one another anymore we'd at least say where we were if we needed some time off from each other
[He reads the text, stomach sinking even deeper, something wrenching at his insides for the nth time today.]
what
[Concern and disbelief, the hurried rush of resignation that Markus tries to conjure up the will to fight away. A multitude of replies buoy up, and it's difficult to know what to send back.]
He isn't here. I haven't spoken with him. He isn't
[The thought is cut off, Markus quick to discard another possibility of Noctis staying with him.]
I'm sorry. Connor's gone, too. I don't know what to say. What can I do for you?
i wish i could be sure that the state of the world he returns to is better than this one
[he says, a bittersweet thought. will noctis return, remembering everything he learned here? at a loss from ignis? how does it even work, going back, with everything they've experienced and live through here?]
but noct's strong, stronger than he gives himself credit for he'll be fine too so i gotta do my best
call me a mind reader if you like but i get the feeling that you'll say you're fine even when you aren't
and i can respect that really i know you're one of the strongest out here and i gotta give you credit for that
but we're friends, right? if you need anything, anytime you let me know no matter how you put it you still lost a friend, two friends, even if they're back home and doing just fine
but here in new amsterdam? i get to look out for you, too
[He believes that Noctis is strong, that whatever awaits him back home he'll be able to face with a steeled spine. The power of a leader to not allow any obstacle to overcome them, to beat back loss and turn it into motivation to push forward. He has that faith and it's unerring.
The rest, though? It's unexpected. He drafts replies, over and over, but none are sent. Until one is.]
Prompto, this isn't about me. It's always been a risk that the people we're close to, or the ones we grow close to, would disappear without a trace. Maybe they'll come back, maybe they won't. Even if I'm not fine, I don't need to burden others with my problems, when we have so much more to worry about right now.
[...]
That isn't to say I'm not grateful. But I'd rather look out for you; I'd rather look out for everyone than to turn that worry inward.
even the best of us get tired sometimes though, so just make sure you ask for help when you need it even if you'd rather be doing something for everyone else
i spent a big chunk of my life being afraid of how others would react to what i'd say or what others would think of me it's more painful to live that way, and i know that now
so let me express that i care when i mean it yeah?
i know you're going to keep fighting me about it but i mean what i said i also don't call just about anyone my friend
I wasn't trying to dismiss what you were telling me. I'm sorry.
[Why is this hard? Words are never difficult for Markus, they come to him with such ease, rarely a struggle. But Prompto is hitting against a deeply ingrained flaw; a means of coping by not coping, by throwing more and more onto his shoulders instead of focusing on the loss. It's hard to know how to step around that.
And maybe it's unfair, that it's his first inclination to shrug it off. He doesn't want to do their friendship a disservice, but it's just-
It's difficult.]
You're a good friend of mine, too, but you've also just lost someone important. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about everything, as well.
[And yet, that being said-] It's just hard for me to reconcile a lot of things in my head right now.
[Noctis wouldn’t have left on purpose, neither would’ve Connor. That’s an easy assumption to make, but logic doesn’t always quell an assailed heart.]
Do you feel guilty, wishing that he was still here?
I told myself that I would protect Connor, that I was responsible for him. I understand, logically, that this was beyond my control, but it still feels like a failing. Does that make sense to you?
between the two of us? i've always felt a bit guilty for taking up noct's time seeing how he's got serious responsibilities and whenever we hung out it was to pig out on junk food and video games but he's my best friend my first real friend, iggy and gladio came after, and even then we only became friends because i was friends with noct first
so do i wish he was still here? yeah more than anything in the world, but that's not a fair thought to have
going back home is what we want in the end though, right?
no matter how you look at it this isn't home we just gotta trust we'll follow soon and that they'll be fine in the meantime
[He knows it’s a selfish thought to want either of them back. That’s where the guilt comes from, but there’s something heartening in hearing it affirmed by Prompto. That he’s not alone in that brand of thinking — nor knowing they have no choice but to rely only on the trust that they’ll manage on their own.]
Maybe it should be a matter of us working harder to return to them, rather than wishing they could come back to us.
[Ah, that seems so… obvious now, after all that Prompto’s said.]
even when we're not sure what it is that we should be doing to get us back, right?
[makes sense, though, and he agrees with the sentiment. it might be random or it might be something they can actually force to happen. either way, they're here, both connor and noctis aren't.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@prom.argentum
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Of course we can. What is it, Prompto?
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A delay, and then-]
Yes. Has something happened?
[You know, other than the one that had happened to you, Markus.]
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ignis and i looked everywhere he could be at
not to mention we promised we wouldn't go dark on one another anymore
we'd at least say where we were if we needed some time off from each other
[without much preamble:]
noct's gone
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what
[Concern and disbelief, the hurried rush of resignation that Markus tries to conjure up the will to fight away. A multitude of replies buoy up, and it's difficult to know what to send back.]
He isn't here. I haven't spoken with him. He isn't
[The thought is cut off, Markus quick to discard another possibility of Noctis staying with him.]
I'm sorry. Connor's gone, too. I don't know what to say. What can I do for you?
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...dude, markus, i don't want you to do anything for me
i thought you should know because noctis was your friend too and i know you cared for him
[what would noctis say, in a situation like this?]
you don't gotta say anything either you know..
sorry about connor
it's tough huh
how are you holding up?
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[The default response. The usual wall thrown up to keep up appearances, the failing of all leaders. But Prompto deserves a little more than that.]
I'll be fine.
In my case, maybe it's for the best. I wouldn't wish this place on anyone I cared about. Do you feel that same way?
1/2
[he says, a bittersweet thought. will noctis return, remembering everything he learned here? at a loss from ignis? how does it even work, going back, with everything they've experienced and live through here?]
but noct's strong, stronger than he gives himself credit for
he'll be fine too so i gotta do my best
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and i can respect that really
i know you're one of the strongest out here and i gotta give you credit for that
but we're friends, right? if you need anything, anytime
you let me know
no matter how you put it you still lost a friend, two friends, even if they're back home and doing just fine
but here in new amsterdam? i get to look out for you, too
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The rest, though? It's unexpected. He drafts replies, over and over, but none are sent. Until one is.]
Prompto, this isn't about me. It's always been a risk that the people we're close to, or the ones we grow close to, would disappear without a trace. Maybe they'll come back, maybe they won't. Even if I'm not fine, I don't need to burden others with my problems, when we have so much more to worry about right now.
[...]
That isn't to say I'm not grateful. But I'd rather look out for you; I'd rather look out for everyone than to turn that worry inward.
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even the best of us get tired sometimes though, so just make sure you ask for help when you need it even if you'd rather be doing something for everyone else
i spent a big chunk of my life being afraid of how others would react to what i'd say or what others would think of me
it's more painful to live that way, and i know that now
so let me express that i care when i mean it yeah?
i know you're going to keep fighting me about it but i mean what i said
i also don't call just about anyone my friend
i wanna do taking care of others i care about too
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[Why is this hard? Words are never difficult for Markus, they come to him with such ease, rarely a struggle. But Prompto is hitting against a deeply ingrained flaw; a means of coping by not coping, by throwing more and more onto his shoulders instead of focusing on the loss. It's hard to know how to step around that.
And maybe it's unfair, that it's his first inclination to shrug it off. He doesn't want to do their friendship a disservice, but it's just-
It's difficult.]
You're a good friend of mine, too, but you've also just lost someone important. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about everything, as well.
[And yet, that being said-] It's just hard for me to reconcile a lot of things in my head right now.
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it's not fixed, i know it isn't, but it's better
knowing that i can help makes it better too - that and being able to help
i thought i lost noct once before too, before coming here
the first time hurt a lot like a weight i couldn't be rid off
it feels similar now
but i know this isn't something he'd do on purpose
that makes it a bit more bearable
you sort through what you gotta sort
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Do you feel guilty, wishing that he was still here?
I told myself that I would protect Connor, that I was responsible for him. I understand, logically, that this was beyond my control, but it still feels like a failing. Does that make sense to you?
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seeing how he's got serious responsibilities and whenever we hung out it was to pig out on junk food and video games
but he's my best friend
my first real friend, iggy and gladio came after, and even then we only became friends because i was friends with noct first
so do i wish he was still here? yeah
more than anything in the world, but that's not a fair thought to have
going back home is what we want in the end though, right?
no matter how you look at it this isn't home
we just gotta trust we'll follow soon and that they'll be fine in the meantime
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Maybe it should be a matter of us working harder to return to them, rather than wishing they could come back to us.
[Ah, that seems so… obvious now, after all that Prompto’s said.]
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[makes sense, though, and he agrees with the sentiment. it might be random or it might be something they can actually force to happen. either way, they're here, both connor and noctis aren't.]
i got your back and you got mine, yeah
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[A spark of light, still flickering. It'll dull the ache in his chest... eventually.]
Of course. I always do. It's like you said, we're friends.
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[to both statements...]
just to get it out of the way: we're both upset, right? so might as well just own it
for however long this feeling might be
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But let's not wallow. I can't do that. I wasn't made to function that way.
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learn some from the master and all that
[he can completely understand the sentiment of not wanting to wallow and wanting, instead, to be doing things.]
also... maybe install a screen on bernie? so he can communicate
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A screen? For text? I think you might be overestimating just what his programming can handle.
[Little Bernie is just a rudimentary AI at best.]
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[Woah……endearing.]
I don’t see the harm in it. If you think you can do it, then I trust you with his hardware.
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