( ah. jason remembers that, too. he'd been pissed at himself, enough to encourage markus to take it out on him. felt a little better, too: getting fists slammed into his face, encouraging markus to keep it up before they went their separate ways. bitched him out until he got a name from those lips. )
I was idealistic, at one point. ( a slight correction. he could get up and leave now, markus has patched him up enough. the dried bits don't matter much to him at all, but--jason's letting markus continue. breathes in deep. )
But I started from the bottom, Markus. You, you've got a light behind your eyes, ( like dick does. that goes without saying. ) you had shit and lost it. I started with nothing, got more nothing, then was handed fucking everything on a silver platter--only to lose it all again. Believing in crap is stupid, trying is fucking stupid, you're never gonna be able to fix everything. Hell, fixing one tiny goddamn thing is hard as hell.
( recent conversations have. brought up some shit, now markus has to deal with it. )
[Done cleaning, retracting his hand, he lets Jason’s words roll over him. They feel like they sting, like they stick to the edges of himself, through no fault of the other’s own. Because as Markus trails his eyes downwards, neatly returning first aid supplies into the duffel bag with purposeful motions, he can’t help but be reminded of what Lucy told him. When he had found Jericho for that first time, when it had been nothing like what he expected. Of having it all, then losing it all. A life cast under the bronze light of happiness, or maybe complacency and obliviousness, then tossed into the stark void of reality. His previous life in pieces at his feet.
Markus frowns.]
We do keep trying. Because what’s the alternative? To be compliant, complicit, and condoning?
[He zips up his bag, then meets Jason’s eyes again.]
But you’re wrong. Believing in a cause isn’t stupid — trying to affect change isn’t stupid. It means you care. It means you see problems and you want to fix them. [A beat.]
To me, it sounds exactly like what you’re trying to do. In your own way.
( markus gets it. on some weird assed level jason doesn't even know what to think of, he gets it. understands where jason's going with all of it. gets him. he starts packing away his crap and jason pulls his shirt back on, shoves folds of fabric down over his waist and covers all the broken bits covering his midsection.
doesn't say a word for a moment, but the press of lips and the way his nose pinches tight speaks volumes for itself. jason holds that for a few moments, before he lets the stress bleed out of his face, wears a loose smirk instead. )
I'll never be compliant. ( holding out a hand to markus for a leg up. ) Compliance is a joke. The system's fucked. All you'll do by falling into it is let yourself get stepped on.
[He lets the words settle into the silence, sinking deep, adding nothing more. He hopes it resonates in its own way, even as he gratefully takes the offered hand, hefting himself up with Jason's aid.]
I'm not one to disagree. [He shifts the strap of the bag to settle balanced across a shoulder.] When there's change to be had, for the betterment of those around us, compliance is just another four-letter word.
( holes in his midsection beside, jason's strong and sturdy as hell. markus' weight is near nothing, and he doesn't struggle at all with pulling him to his feet. he's learned enough about markus to know he can trust him--mostly. has learned what he believes in, to an extent.
markus is a good ally. if anything comes up here later, jason knows he'll fight for what's right. )
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I was idealistic, at one point. ( a slight correction. he could get up and leave now, markus has patched him up enough. the dried bits don't matter much to him at all, but--jason's letting markus continue. breathes in deep. )
But I started from the bottom, Markus. You, you've got a light behind your eyes, ( like dick does. that goes without saying. ) you had shit and lost it. I started with nothing, got more nothing, then was handed fucking everything on a silver platter--only to lose it all again. Believing in crap is stupid, trying is fucking stupid, you're never gonna be able to fix everything. Hell, fixing one tiny goddamn thing is hard as hell.
( recent conversations have. brought up some shit, now markus has to deal with it. )
But we try anyway, right?
no subject
Markus frowns.]
We do keep trying. Because what’s the alternative? To be compliant, complicit, and condoning?
[He zips up his bag, then meets Jason’s eyes again.]
But you’re wrong. Believing in a cause isn’t stupid — trying to affect change isn’t stupid. It means you care. It means you see problems and you want to fix them. [A beat.]
To me, it sounds exactly like what you’re trying to do. In your own way.
no subject
doesn't say a word for a moment, but the press of lips and the way his nose pinches tight speaks volumes for itself. jason holds that for a few moments, before he lets the stress bleed out of his face, wears a loose smirk instead. )
I'll never be compliant. ( holding out a hand to markus for a leg up. ) Compliance is a joke. The system's fucked. All you'll do by falling into it is let yourself get stepped on.
no subject
I'm not one to disagree. [He shifts the strap of the bag to settle balanced across a shoulder.] When there's change to be had, for the betterment of those around us, compliance is just another four-letter word.
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markus is a good ally. if anything comes up here later, jason knows he'll fight for what's right. )
Thanks for the assist, again.
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[Just try not to make it a habit, Jason, goes unsaid. But it's implied. He pauses once before continuing.]
If you need anything else, just let me know. I'm just a text away.