I agree. We're not here to play judge, jury, and executioner. Especially when we have no way of knowing their sides of the story; especially since we all have enough sense to know that the drugs probably had some effect. That their disorientation and confusion likely didn't do them any favors, either.
As for shouting matches, I wish others had the same kind of temperance as you, Clarke. Others were quicker to engage.
Honestly, we were due for it. Something big to blow up. From the look of it, Gaby hadn't intended this outcome.
By "due for it," I mean we all come from different walks of life and it appears that a lot of us don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with any of this. Not that anyone should.
Plus, when challenged, someone who's emotional will often double down.
[Another lesson she learned primarily from dealing with Bellamy.]
I know. And I don’t expect for us all to agree immediately, or even for there never to be any clashing opinions in a group this big. Or this varied.
But we can’t afford for this to happen every time there’s an issue. I’ve already had individuals attempt to burn bridges just because I tried to mediate.
I think the better solution is to not argue with the parties trying to do this every time. We know who's often at the center of these rather public blow ups. If other people got the message instead of engaging, the situation wouldn't be exacerbated.
[There's hardly any issue doing so, given that they already had the same names in mind.]
No. But they could do with the quelling of their own tempers for everyone's sake. Maybe be more self-aware of how it looks to outside eyes. We had a fresh batch of newcomers; how do you think they perceive us now, after exchanges like that?
[Like a group of people who don't know what the hell they're doing. No unity, no forward motion. It doesn't inspire faith, and Markus is all about inspiring people to do better, to work together. To be even-keeled.]
I barely know either of them, and both of the times I've spoken to them haven't gone well. It's very easy to argue with them. I thought Hafid had the potential to be reasonable at first, but he doesn't seem to understand diplomacy. He blames that inability on other people.
[It's a fact that she only seemed to make sense of later.]
I'm not saying everyone else is at fault for arguing with them. But I don't see how we can make them more self-aware.
Look at it this way. People may think poorly of us. If they do, then that's on them. All we can do is do better moving forward. We're headed in the right direction. We need to build on that. We're just beginning to truly understand this world. The scale of the problems ahead of us. Maybe we look like fools. But a lot among our numbers are still young. Around my age. And they don't have the experiences I have.
As it comes to Matches and Hafid, right now I think the best we can hope for is that we don't give them a reason to do worse.
If we build on that, I think we can build something for us here. At least temporarily. At least until we have answers.
[It's odd, but it feels like Markus wants to be the solution for Hafid and Matches, but that's not something he can do. All he can do is try to lead by example. Move everyone forward. It's also strange being the one telling Markus this, but ...
Well. Clarke is a leader, too. She's starting to truly see where her type of leading fits in here. It's subtler, but just as necessary.]
[She isn't wrong in any of it. Leading by example is not something he's forgotten about, but ever lost in the machinations of New Amsterdam, of the many moving parts known as the people here. Markus sometimes feels lost and rudderless when he cannot be someone's anchor or support. When everything unravels despite his best efforts, it's impossible to not feel those raking claws of failure tearing into his spirit.]
I know that, Clarke. I know there will never be a day when everyone is completely on the same page. And I don't expect to be seen as some kind of shining savior, either, plucking up trust like it inherently belongs to me.
[He didn't even expect that much from Detroit, from Jericho. That kind of deifying bothers him.]
I don't want you to think that this has made me unwilling or unmotivated. Nothing's changed on that front, Clarke, and it never will. I'm going to keep pressing forward, and I'm going to be calm and rational about it.
But some of this is personal, too. I consider Matches a friend.
I know I've spoken highly of your leadership before, but I used "we" there. We, as in you and me. We, as in our people.
[It's hard for her to explain. But this is Clarke pulling some of the burden off of him. No, she didn't do it publicly, didn't see a place for herself in that argument. She claims it now, though. This is her stepping up in her own way. Planning. Motivating. Delegating, at least to some degree.]
I have friends like Matches back home. Once, Bellamy was that friend.
Having someone like you to stand by him will be important. If you believe he can be better.
It's not on you to change him. In fact, it may be impossible for you to impact him in that way. But you can try to keep him from feeling like the world's against him. I'm not sure if that's even the case with him, but ... given my previous argument with him? I can guess.
Of course it’s “we” in the strictest sense of moving forward. But you’re speaking in terms of how I should personally behave; how I shouldn’t let this bother me as much as it does. Or am I wrong?
It isn’t a matter of trying to change someone. I don’t have that right, and I can’t hope to know everything that Matches has gone through to shape him as a person. But the fact that it just takes this small amount of discord to cast a wedge in-between a friendship?
[Even if he puts minimal stock in everything he had been told.]
As a person, I’m allowed to let that bother me. But as a leader, or simply just a member of our group trying to encourage cooperation, this doesn’t change anything. There’s always a line drawn down the middle, and I can see it clearly in the sand when I need to.
I think you're conflating how people perceive what happened on that post with how you're going to handle Matches and Hafid. How people perceive our setup doesn't matter so long as we do better, and continue to improve. And if people think Matches and Hafid represent us as a whole, there's nothing you or I can do about that.
But I don't think that's the problem here.
Did Matches try to change your friendship? End it in some way? Should that be what I ask you about?
[That seems to be the thing everything keeps circling back to. Matches and Markus' friendship. Something happened. She doesn't know what.]
No. I’d like to believe I can tell the difference. I can see the bigger picture, and all the moving parts that act as its foundation — including people, opinions, actions and ideas. Like I said, none of what I’m telling you will affect how we as a group will move forward.
These are only my personal thoughts, nothing more.
Matches was already irritated with Connor’s instigating. I tried to calm him down and understand his perspective. It ended up with him pushing me away, claiming we were never friends to begin with. But that’s fine, Clarke. I’m giving him the time he needs to calm down.
All right. I don't want you to feel that you can't say your piece. That's important.
[And expressing stressors rather than writing them off as if they don't exist. It's easy to fall into that habit—which is a fact that Clarke knows all too well.
And then there's the bit with Matches. She told him once that he reminds her of Murphy. It's starting to sound like she was very, very spot on with that.]
Oddly enough, that bit tells me everything I'd ever need to know about Matches. He likely pushed you away because it's a way of protecting himself.
And I think in this case, he might think he has good reason to believe you'd choose Connor over him.
But you know all this already. It doesn't make it hurt less.
[Would Markus choose Connor over anyone else here? Absolutely. That's likely no well-kept secret to anyone with eyes; and yet Markus feels that isn't exactly the point.]
My regard for Connor doesn't have anything to do with my friendship with him. It wasn't a matter of choosing sides, only an attempt to mediate.
Again, I'm not Matches' biggest fan. But I am a big fan of yours, so keep that in mind.
He strikes me as the type to do what he feels is necessary to protect himself. That doesn't mean it makes sense or that it's rooted in any reality. Sometimes emotions just rule over any ability to really see what's going on. You telling me that it was never about a choice doesn't mean anything.
Hell, if he's stupid enough to think you'd give up on him that easily, after all the stupid stuff he's said on the network, then he's used to being second best.
You mediated, and he was cutting ties. Making it so the imaginary choice didn't exist in the first place.
[She deliberates on how much detail to get into here.]
We don't see eye to eye on how to handle potential problems like Matches. I don't want to cause problems here, and I assume the two of you have already spoke of his intentions.
Yes, we did. And Connor still will do what he believes is best for all of us, regardless.
[He leaves out the details of their own conversation, towing that very delicate line of wanting to be honest and not wanting to talk behind Connor’s back.]
I won’t make excuses for him. Whatever he said to you, just know that his opinions are formed by his experiences back in Detroit, and I don’t necessarily disagree with his stance.
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As for shouting matches, I wish others had the same kind of temperance as you, Clarke. Others were quicker to engage.
[c....onnor...
But others, too, to be fair.]
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By "due for it," I mean we all come from different walks of life and it appears that a lot of us don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with any of this. Not that anyone should.
Plus, when challenged, someone who's emotional will often double down.
[Another lesson she learned primarily from dealing with Bellamy.]
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But we can’t afford for this to happen every time there’s an issue. I’ve already had individuals attempt to burn bridges just because I tried to mediate.
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But I know I'm just preaching to the choir, aren't I?
Yet even you have to admit that those stirring the pot should refrain from doing it in the future. Otherwise we're all just left with headaches.
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[Best to name them.]
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No. But they could do with the quelling of their own tempers for everyone's sake. Maybe be more self-aware of how it looks to outside eyes. We had a fresh batch of newcomers; how do you think they perceive us now, after exchanges like that?
[Like a group of people who don't know what the hell they're doing. No unity, no forward motion. It doesn't inspire faith, and Markus is all about inspiring people to do better, to work together. To be even-keeled.]
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[It's a fact that she only seemed to make sense of later.]
I'm not saying everyone else is at fault for arguing with them. But I don't see how we can make them more self-aware.
Look at it this way. People may think poorly of us. If they do, then that's on them. All we can do is do better moving forward. We're headed in the right direction. We need to build on that. We're just beginning to truly understand this world. The scale of the problems ahead of us. Maybe we look like fools. But a lot among our numbers are still young. Around my age. And they don't have the experiences I have.
As it comes to Matches and Hafid, right now I think the best we can hope for is that we don't give them a reason to do worse.
If we build on that, I think we can build something for us here. At least temporarily. At least until we have answers.
[It's odd, but it feels like Markus wants to be the solution for Hafid and Matches, but that's not something he can do. All he can do is try to lead by example. Move everyone forward. It's also strange being the one telling Markus this, but ...
Well. Clarke is a leader, too. She's starting to truly see where her type of leading fits in here. It's subtler, but just as necessary.]
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I know that, Clarke. I know there will never be a day when everyone is completely on the same page. And I don't expect to be seen as some kind of shining savior, either, plucking up trust like it inherently belongs to me.
[He didn't even expect that much from Detroit, from Jericho. That kind of deifying bothers him.]
I don't want you to think that this has made me unwilling or unmotivated. Nothing's changed on that front, Clarke, and it never will. I'm going to keep pressing forward, and I'm going to be calm and rational about it.
But some of this is personal, too. I consider Matches a friend.
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[It's hard for her to explain. But this is Clarke pulling some of the burden off of him. No, she didn't do it publicly, didn't see a place for herself in that argument. She claims it now, though. This is her stepping up in her own way. Planning. Motivating. Delegating, at least to some degree.]
I have friends like Matches back home. Once, Bellamy was that friend.
Having someone like you to stand by him will be important. If you believe he can be better.
It's not on you to change him. In fact, it may be impossible for you to impact him in that way. But you can try to keep him from feeling like the world's against him. I'm not sure if that's even the case with him, but ... given my previous argument with him? I can guess.
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It isn’t a matter of trying to change someone. I don’t have that right, and I can’t hope to know everything that Matches has gone through to shape him as a person. But the fact that it just takes this small amount of discord to cast a wedge in-between a friendship?
[Even if he puts minimal stock in everything he had been told.]
As a person, I’m allowed to let that bother me. But as a leader, or simply just a member of our group trying to encourage cooperation, this doesn’t change anything. There’s always a line drawn down the middle, and I can see it clearly in the sand when I need to.
Does that make sense to you?
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But I don't think that's the problem here.
Did Matches try to change your friendship? End it in some way? Should that be what I ask you about?
[That seems to be the thing everything keeps circling back to. Matches and Markus' friendship. Something happened. She doesn't know what.]
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These are only my personal thoughts, nothing more.
Matches was already irritated with Connor’s instigating. I tried to calm him down and understand his perspective. It ended up with him pushing me away, claiming we were never friends to begin with. But that’s fine, Clarke. I’m giving him the time he needs to calm down.
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[And expressing stressors rather than writing them off as if they don't exist. It's easy to fall into that habit—which is a fact that Clarke knows all too well.
And then there's the bit with Matches. She told him once that he reminds her of Murphy. It's starting to sound like she was very, very spot on with that.]
Oddly enough, that bit tells me everything I'd ever need to know about Matches. He likely pushed you away because it's a way of protecting himself.
And I think in this case, he might think he has good reason to believe you'd choose Connor over him.
But you know all this already. It doesn't make it hurt less.
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My regard for Connor doesn't have anything to do with my friendship with him. It wasn't a matter of choosing sides, only an attempt to mediate.
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Why do you think that?
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He strikes me as the type to do what he feels is necessary to protect himself. That doesn't mean it makes sense or that it's rooted in any reality. Sometimes emotions just rule over any ability to really see what's going on. You telling me that it was never about a choice doesn't mean anything.
Hell, if he's stupid enough to think you'd give up on him that easily, after all the stupid stuff he's said on the network, then he's used to being second best.
You mediated, and he was cutting ties. Making it so the imaginary choice didn't exist in the first place.
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[That’s just... ridiculous. So very far from his mind, what his purpose was.]
I’m going to give him time, then speak with him again. I can’t leave it like that.
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Have you been checking up on everyone having a difficult time on Gaby's post?
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So, just you and Connor. He wasn't very interested in hearing what I had to say.
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How so?
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We don't see eye to eye on how to handle potential problems like Matches. I don't want to cause problems here, and I assume the two of you have already spoke of his intentions.
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[He leaves out the details of their own conversation, towing that very delicate line of wanting to be honest and not wanting to talk behind Connor’s back.]
I won’t make excuses for him. Whatever he said to you, just know that his opinions are formed by his experiences back in Detroit, and I don’t necessarily disagree with his stance.
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